sex, sex, and more sex

If you are having more than enough passionate, intense, HOT HOT HOT sex, then please don't read on. While you're at it, send me tips on how to achieve a sex life like yours, I'd welcome the advice. If you could use a little more of that HOT HOT HOT sex (I can't wait to see what kind of spam I get from this post!), then feel free to read on.

I just finished reading Sex Detox, by Ian Kerner, Ph.D. I have to admit, I wasn't the biggest fan of Dr. Kerner's book, but I did appreciate some of his points. Dr. Kerner's premise is simple- our love lives are in serious disrepair and we need a drastic intervention to correct them.

If we were to undertake a detox of any part of our lives, we would fast from that activity for a period of time. Similarly, Dr. Kerner asks that in order to rejuvenate and renew your relationship, you undertake a "sex fast" for 30 days. If you are not in a relationship, Dr. Kerner's program is still applicable, your "fast" would be from dating or casual sex. I didn't read through the sections for single people, but that was the basic idea. During those 30 days, Dr. Kerner provides you with assignments, questionnaires, readings, and exercises to assist you throughout the process.

Dr. Kerner gives scientific explanations for why a Sex Detox will improve your relationship, or your search for a relationship. It makes sense if you think about the Sex Detox creating anticipation and excitement in a relationship that has become boring or lackluster. The Sex Detox is more than just a fast from sex, though, it is a way to change the course of your sex life. A Sex Detox gives you the time and emotional energy to address any problems that exist in your sex life. Hopefully, at the end of Dr. Kerner's sexual fasting, you will learn how to connect with your partner in a new and exciting way.

The book includes stories of people who have undertaken the Sex Detox and improved their lives in some fundamental way. I found the stories interesting (although often very graphic), and I particularly appreciated Dr. Kerner including stories from same-sex couples, something I haven't seen often in self-help books.

Now comes the moment of truth. I understand the idea, and I don't doubt that Sex Detox can work for some people. Did we try the program? No, not exactly. Our sex life isn't perfect, and I'd certainly like to have more of it, but neither I nor Josh see our sex life as toxic. Without getting into too much detail, we have a one year old and Josh works long hours, and those are what we believe to be our main problems, not a problem specific to our sex life. I just wasn't sure that taking a 30 day break from having sex was going to help us.

On to the criticism I have of the program. While Dr. Kerner makes several interesting points and provides very pertinent research backing up his ideas, I didn't like that he proposes undertaking a Sex Detox whether or not your partner agrees. I don't know about you, but if my partner up and decided to take on a 30 day sexual fast, and didn't give me a say in it, I'd be pretty pissed. It would definitely drive a wedge in our relationship. I think this is the type of thing a couple has to agree on, or at least agree that it is an area that needs improvement and assistance. I also just don't believe that there is a one size fits all program that can improve everyone's sex lives, especially when many people arrive into relationships with serious emotional baggage that impair their ability to have healthy and loving sex lives.

That being said, Sex Detox is an interesting read, and definitely worth a shot if you're looking to make a change in your sex life. The program is thorough, well-written, and easy to understand. Check out some of the other reviews on Parent Bloggers to see what other readers have to say about the success or failure of Sex Detox! Dr. Kerner will also be on the Motherhood Uncensored radio show on 2/20 from 9-9:30pm EST if you'd like to hear more!